Stories

Amy Dickinson’s Story

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Love, loss, and coming home: Our own Amy Dickinson, the Freeville girl who went on to succeed advice-dishing queen Ann Landers as the “Ask Amy” syndicated columnist for the Chicago Tribune, is on a book tour with her latest memoir, Strangers Tend to Tell Me Things: Love, Loss, and Coming Home.

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Dickinson famously grew up on a Tompkins County dairy farm and traveled the world living in Washington, New York, Chicago, and London before returning home and marrying a local guy she knew from childhood. Some of this adventure was chronicled in The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Story of Surprising Second Chances, a 2009 memoir about being a single mom. “Ask Amy” is a daily advice column carried by 150 newspapers and read by an estimated 22 million people.

NPR’s Scott Simon interviewed Dickinson from Ithaca for  Weekend Edition on March 11 (transcript and audio clip via NPR):

Listen to the interview by clicking above

SCOTT SIMON: So what’s a sophisticated urbanite like you doing in Freeville, New York?

AMY DICKINSON: Oh, not much, you know. I mean, just today I was at the Queen Diner with my aunts because that’s what we do once a week. We meet at the diner. You know, I live in my hometown. It’s—I’m right back where I started surrounded by people I went to high school with. And I don’t know if I could have done this at another phase in my life, but it just feels right.

SCOTT SIMON: It’s interesting reading this book. You learned a lot from the example of both of your parents, but they were substantially different lessons.

AMY DICKINSON: Right. I was very fortunate to have been raised by my mother, Jane, who was a really—just a great parent. She was fun. She was lively, and she really seemed to enjoy being a mother. My father, on the other hand, old Buck, was like a world-class abandoner. He left us. He left subsequent families. He left women. He left people in his wake. And he just—you know, I think of him now as, like, an old restless cowboy.

SCOTT SIMON: That’s being very kind.

AMY DICKINSON: It is being kind, actually.

SCOTT SIMON: With the advantage of a certain amount of hindsight now, did that make love more difficult for you?

AMY DICKINSON: Oh, yeah, definitely. It’s like he was this linchpin I measured all other men against, and I was often overcorrecting, may I say. So, yeah, I veered back and forth. My first husband very, very, very unlike—as unlike my father as I could find, but that also meant that he and I didn’t have a lot in common.

SCOTT SIMON: So you get back home where you started in Freeville, and you meet all over again a guy named Bruno.

AMY DICKINSON: Yeah. You know, I’ve known him most of my life. I think we met when I was 12. Bruno has never lived any more than five miles away from where he was born. And I came home. He is a very well-known local builder, and I came home, and I wanted to renovate my little house. And everybody said, “Oh, you should call Bruno, call Bruno.” And I finally called Bruno, and he came to my house and he opened the door – it was fall. And, Scott, it was just—you know that scene in “The Quiet Man” when John Wayne opens the door to Maureen O’Hara’s little cottage? And he…

SCOTT SIMON: Yeah, hello, Mary Kate.

AMY DICKINSON: Mary Kate Danaher.

SCOTT SIMON: Yeah.

AMY DICKINSON: He filled the door frame and these leaves were kicked up behind him. And it was this incredibly dramatic moment in my life when Bruno blew in, you know, in my door. Yeah, and we fell—we just fell in love immediately.

SCOTT SIMON: In the course of this book, your mother declines and then dies. And that’s very moving the way you trace that in the book. You don’t like this term that we’ve heard so much over the past generation—closure.

AMY DICKINSON: Yeah, really—I mean, do you have it?

SCOTT SIMON: No, no, no, I know exactly what you mean. You don’t close it. You go on.

AMY DICKINSON: Right. If you love someone fiercely, you’re not going to close the book on that. And honestly, I felt that the whole closure concept was really a—you know, just thinking that I might get closure I think delayed my healing from this loss. My mother was frail. She suffered. I was with her. I helped to take care of her. No one could have been more prepared for someone’s death than I was. And I just had no idea that the loss would have such magnitude for me. It was very, very tough.

SCOTT SIMON: You know what I’ve concluded, Amy? And I hope our children don’t hear this. You don’t really grow up until you lose your parents.

AMY DICKINSON: It certainly puts you in a whole other life phase. It’s incredibly profound, and the process—and I know you were with your mother and I was with my mother. And to me, it felt—it really did feel analogous to the birth process, this really potent, very powerful life process. And I was glad that I was there.

SCOTT SIMON: I finished the book and then turned back to the dedication: “This book is dedicated a memory of my mother, Jane Genung Dickinson, who taught me that life is a memory.” Not a cabaret?

AMY DICKINSON: Not quite.

SCOTT SIMON: Why…

AMY DICKINSON: Oh, but I wish, you know?

SCOTT SIMON: Yeah, but why a memory?

AMY DICKINSON: Well, she told me once that she wanted that on her tombstone. My mother had a very dreamy, introspective quality, and I think she always lived in her head to a certain extent. And I loved that about her. We were very different in that regard. But I always really treasured that about her, the idea that there was a lot going on that she wasn’t necessarily revealing. I liked it.

SCOTT SIMON: Do other people’s problems ever—do you carry them home?

AMY DICKINSON: I do. You know, when I run a letter in my column, for instance, about someone who has been sexually assaulted and is suffering or has been abused, say, by a parent, I will then hear from dozens, sometimes over 100, other people who have had a similar experience. And the magnitude of that will really, really weigh me down sometimes. And yet, that’s exactly what this column is all about. It’s just about our commonality. You know, I feel very, very connected to the people who write to me. And yeah, I have to work hard sometimes not to take on the weight of some of this stuff.

hd1-Amy_Dickenson-2014-cAmy Dickinson (Tribune Content Agency)

Barry Jenkins’s Story

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Moonlight is a powerful film depicting the struggles of growing up poor and black in urban America. Chiron, the gay main character, is bullied by schoolmates, raised by a crack-addicted mother, and grows up to become a drug dealer. But director Barry Jenkins believes that Moonlight’s story of the search for personal identity is one of the reasons that audiences everywhere strongly relate to the film.

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Moonlight, which won the Oscar for Best Picture at the 89th Academy Awards, is based on an unpublished play by Tarell Alvin McCraney, In Moonlight Black Boys Look Blue. Jenkins came across the play while looking for a story to film, and discovered that he and McCraney had both been raised in the same Miami housing project, Liberty City, by mothers addicted to crack. Besides winning for best film, their collaboration collected the Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay. The film scored some other important firsts, too: first LGBTQ film to win the Best Picture award; and first Muslim to win an acting Oscar (Mahershala Ali as Best Supporting Actor). Ithaca connection: Jharrel Jerome, an Ithaca College sophomore, plays Kevin, Chiron’s teenaged best friend.

Jenkins recently spoke with CNN about the film and its connection to life in Liberty City:

“I’ve been consistently amazed at how often, no matter where I go, no matter how far away from Miami we screen the film, people are finding a way to see themselves in the main character. It’s all about this journey, to sort of figure out who we are, to decide for ourselves what our identity truly is…

“This character is a character who is trying to find his voice. The reason for that is he feels he is unworthy of love. When his mom, this character Paula, comes through the other side of this addiction, she is there to open this door for him to ultimately walk through, to find a way to love himself, and be secure in who he is…

“I basically am this kid. I’m from this background. I am from this world. For a long time, the people from this world couldn’t grow up to harness the tools of filmmaking to tell their stories. I feel very fortune to be able to create visual stories that can speak to this common experience…

“I have always considered myself an ally of LGBTQ causes. I wanted to find a way to take my craft, this visual story telling, and put [it] into active empathy.”

Watch the CNN interview here:

http://edition.cnn.com/videos/world/2017/02/15/intv-amanpour-barry-jenkins-moonlight-film.cnn

Vijay Pendakur’s Story

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Vijay Pendakur, the new dean of students at Cornell University, pronounces himself an active advocate for student wellness. It’s a position that seems driven from personal experience.

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During a talk on February 2 at Cornell’s Center for Intercultural Dialogue (reported by the Cornell Daily Sun), he revealed how he and his sister were harassed and bullied growing up in Chicago as the children of immigrants from India. He spoke candidly about how he struggled socially and benefited from seven years of psychotherapy.

From the Cornell Daily Sun’s report:

He recalled moving to the north side of Chicago as “challenging” and “transformative,” because he and his sister experienced harassment and bullying as minorities in their community.

Even after moving out of Chicago, Pendakur said he continued to face microaggressions at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. There, he said he was challenged to adjust to a predominantly white, rural student population.

Pendakur also struggled to make friends and used hypermasculinity as a coping mechanism to face his fears.

“As a man, I did not talk with anybody about how I really felt,” he said. “I was deeply scarred and troubled inside but the outside was just like chip on my shoulder all the time because that was the learned behavior for me to stay safe.”

Pendakur said his academic pursuits in American history, Africana studies and gender studies helped him contextualize his struggles. While he continued to struggle socially, he found a mentor through a job at the campus multicultural center, which eventually led him to find a vocation in social justice and diversity education.

During his career he received psychotherapeutic help for seven years—a decision he made after a low point in his late 20’s—and found that he was able to “rewrite [his] history.”

“It was the best thing I’ve ever done,” he said. “For me, the psychotherapeutic process allowed me to actually go back and turn the mirror inward.”

In an interview with the Cornell Chronicle published January 18, Pendakur addressed the mental health struggles of today’s college students:

Across higher education, we are seeing a rising prevalence of complex mental health concerns, stress and medical needs. Wellness is part of the fundamental investment college and university campuses need to make to enhance learning. For example, if you are not sleeping, or are dealing with a body image issue or a deep sense of isolation, your organic chemistry or calculus class becomes secondary.

Pendakur comes to Ithaca from California State University, Fullerton, where he served as associate vice president for the Division of Student Affairs. He earned a B.A. in History and East Asian Studies from the University of Wisconsin, Madison, in 2001, an M.A. in U.S. History from the University of California, San Diego, in 2005, and an Ed.D. from DePaul University in 2013.

Robin Williams’s Story

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The widow of Robin Williams has written a detailed account of the brave struggle with an undiagnosed brain disease called Lewy Body Dementia that preceded the comedian’s suicide in 2014.

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Headlined “The terrorist inside my husband’s brain,” Susan Schneider Williams’s essay in Neurology reports that “the massive proliferation of Lewy bodies throughout his brain had done so much damage to neurons and neurotransmitters that in effect, you could say he had chemical warfare in his brain.”

Susan Schneider Williams used the platform of a medical journal to specifically address her words to medical researchers, saying she hoped the “personal story, sadly tragic and heartbreaking,” would further inspire them to persevere in the quest for a cure. Given the initial media frenzy that dwelled on the actor’s past struggles with depression and substance abuse, the essay also helps expose the harm of stigmatizing suicide through simplistic stereotyping.

Listen to a podcast with Susan Schneider Williams here.

Excerpts from her essay:

My husband Robin Williams had the little-known but deadly Lewy body disease (LBD). He died from suicide in 2014 at the end of an intense, confusing, and relatively swift persecution at the hand of this disease’s symptoms and pathology. He was not alone in his traumatic experience with this neurologic disease. As you may know, almost 1.5 million nationwide are suffering similarly right now. …

Although not alone, his case was extreme. Not until the coroner’s report, 3 months after his death, would I learn that it was diffuse LBD that took him. All 4 of the doctors I met with afterwards and who had reviewed his records indicated his was one of the worst pathologies they had seen. He had about 40% loss of dopamine neurons and almost no neurons were free of Lewy bodies throughout the entire brain and brainstem. …

Not until after Robin left us would I discover that a sudden and prolonged spike in fear and anxiety can be an early indication of LBD. …

I will never know the true depth of his suffering, nor just how hard he was fighting. But from where I stood, I saw the bravest man in the world playing the hardest role of his life. …

Robin was losing his mind and he was aware of it. Can you imagine the pain he felt as he experienced himself disintegrating? And not from something he would ever know the name of, or understand? Neither he, nor anyone could stop it—no amount of intelligence or love could hold it back. He kept saying, “I just want to reboot my brain.”…

After months and months, I was finally able to be specific about Robin’s disease. Clinically he had PD [Parkinson’s Disease], but pathologically he had diffuse LBD. The predominant symptoms Robin had were not physical—the pathology more than backed that up. However you look at it—the presence of Lewy bodies took his life. …

 

Demi Lovato’s Story

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“Every one of us can make a difference. By getting educated on this epidemic and its frightening statistics and by breaking the stigma…”

Demi Lovato, the 23-year-old former child actress on Barney & Friends and current pop music sensation, delivered a powerful speech advocating greater mental illness awareness at the Democratic National Convention Monday night.

Lovato, who suffers from bipolar disorder, called on politicians to support laws that provide access to better health care. She said that Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton will fight to ensure people living with mental health conditions get the care they need.

Here’s the full text of Lovato’s remarks, after which she broke into her single “Confident.”

Like millions of Americans, I am living with mental illness. But I’m lucky. I had the resources and support to get treatment at a top facility. Unfortunately, too many Americans from all walks of life don’t get help, either because they fear the stigma or cannot afford treatment.

Untreated mental illness can lead to devastating consequences, including suicide, substance abuse, and long-term medical issues.

We can do better.

Every one of us can make a difference. By getting educated on this epidemic and its frightening statistics and by breaking the stigma, I urge every politician to support laws that will provide access to better health care and support for everyone. This is not about politics. It’s simply the right thing to do.

I’m doing my very small part by having the treatment center that saw me through my recovery on tour with me so that at least a small group of people even for a brief moment can have the same support that I received. It may not be a lot but we have to believe every small action counts.

I stand here today as proof that you can live a normal and empowered life with mental illness. I’m proud to support a presidential candidate who will fight to ensure all people living with mental health conditions get the care they need to lead fulfilling lives. That candidate is Hillary Clinton. Let’s make her the next president of the United States of America.

Lovato shared the stage on the first night of the Democratic National Convention with First Lady Michelle Obama, presidential candidate Bernie Sanders, and U.S. senators Elizabeth Warren and Corey Booker.

Lovato, currently partnering with Nick Jonas in their Future Now tour,  has battled mental illness, bulimia and addiction, and has used her celebrity status to educate and help others.

Advice to teenage girls in Seventeen magazine in April 2011:

If you are going through that dark period, go to your family and closest friends. Don’t put yourself in danger. It’s very crucial that you get your feelings out—but don’t ever inflict harm on your own body because your body is so sacred. I wish I could tell every young girl with an eating disorder, or who has harmed herself in any way, that she’s worthy of life and that her life has meaning. You can overcome and get through anything.

On HuffPost Live in May 2015:

I was dealing with bipolar depression and didn’t know what was wrong with me. Little did I know, there was a chemical imbalance in my brain. Because I didn’t tell people what I need, I ended up self-medicating and coping with very unhealthy behaviors.